sunny blizzard

Feeling lighter and lighter

2012-01-15T19:10:00.002-06:00

~E~

I no longer care, and that feels very good. I've decided that this year, I'm not going to be nice. Nice gets you nowhere. Mean can be fun, sometimes, and I feel like the pressure is off of me.

I'm feeling physically so much better, it's been a rough year and a half. I'm glad I live in this century and in this place so I can get treatment for what ails me.

I found a massage therapist that almost gives me wings. She's amazing, and I can't even express how I feel when I walk out of there. So, so good.

Maybe I'll write about politics next.

Oh, sigh.

2011-12-27T21:52:00.002-06:00

~E~

Linking to me again. I still have great affection for Mark, and from my point of view the biggest problem is that he's NEVER told me what it is that we need to discuss so urgently. I've been perfectly willing to talk, particularly for the first year, but his hurt and anger got in the way. He'd call me if he needed me, but if I contacted him it just pissed him the hell off.

I still don't know how I could have been more gentle in our relationship and in breaking up with him. I am still totally floored by his reaction to the whole thing and yes, I've been hurt and angry with things he's said about me, and I've said some dumb things.

Good luck in that new relationship, Mark, I mean that very honestly and without snark. And I hope you can be more honest with her than you were with me.

Ciao, babes.

Say hey

2011-12-24T21:57:00.000-06:00

~E~

Merry Christmas, my darlings! Love to you all!

Look up 'disingenuous'

2011-12-18T22:23:00.001-06:00

~E~

To say someone was evil, because she did xyz to you, when you were given regular opportunities (i.e., were asked directly) like once a month at the very least to discuss anything that might have been bothering you. The fact that nothing bothered you enough in four whole years that was worth addressing (but is now a huge problem) says more about you than her.

To be pissed that someone didn't leave, even after being given direct permission to stay three times.

To spout all kinds of lies to get pity attention. How does that feel, for someone who takes pride in being so honest.

I should have listened to the descriptions of the first 'evil girlfriend' and run fast. I bet she was a pretty nice person.

I feel really sorry for any future partners, honestly.

Remembering

2011-12-10T22:10:00.002-06:00

~E~

A few more things from my past are coming together, and I'm understanding why I'm having some of the dreams I've been having. Feeling like the important people in my life weren't there to back me up is the main thing. Being blamed when a neighbor kid punched me in the stomach, hard, for something my sister did. (I shouldn't have gone up to him when he called me, apparently. Again girls and women are supposed to be mind-readers)

People trying really hard to minimize the things I told them, trying really hard to brush off the icky feelings they got that told them what they were suspecting was true.

I was taught I wasn't worth defending. And that made it easier for me to be victimized down the road. Thank Maude I'm over that now.

I'm sitting here wondering why my ex is friends with someone who molested me. A guy who considers himself to be a really good person, and fairly feminist. Is there no one on this planet who will stick up for me besides me?

They were right.

2011-11-05T12:52:00.001-05:00

~E~

I can fly

2011-10-27T23:20:00.002-05:00

~E~

I didn't realize how heavy the weight of it all was, until it wasn't there anymore. The weight of being ultra responsible for, not a child, but a freaking adult.

I put my all into being super aware of his feelings and moods, making sure everything was going ok, making sure to have open communication so no one got hurt. yeah, that only works if both people do it. I tried to be very understanding of past hurts, and tried hard to soothe those hurts over and not create new ones.

I knew that to get the relationship I wanted, I had to communicate. I had to MAKE it the relationship I wanted. But when the other half just coasts along pretending it's the relationship they've always dreamed of, ignoring signs it might not be, refusing to do the work of making it WORK? Assuming rather than asking? What do you do then? Especially when, at the time, it's all so invisible.

I also do not understand at all how a person can feel so incomplete and unhappy unless they have a partner - any partner - to validate their existence. You have to know yourself and be happy within yourself before you can truly be half of a couple and be happy. That's advice for everyone. Life is fine, good, on your own. You have to know you can do it alone or you're just sadly desperate. No one likes desperate.

I've been so happy, so free, I know I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing for both of us.

I've met some really interesting people, made some friends (hi, M.C. :) ), learned some new things, forgotten some old things. Taken some risks and gotten over some fears.

Eat cake, bitches.

Turning Tea Party

2011-07-07T22:32:00.002-05:00

~E~

Gotta love how people will rewrite history to make themselves feel better.
I hope I don't tend towards that. I don't think I do.

You da man, Paul Revere!

Do you see my reflection on a snow-covered hill?

2011-05-30T14:17:00.003-05:00

~E~

Life goes on. Children grow up. Job gets more complicated.

I spend too much time on Facebook and not enough time thinking and writing.

Too shallow. I need to slow down, stop skimming and start thinking, digging deeper.

It's so much more satisfying.

I want deeply satisfying, not instantly gratifying.

I think I just wrote part of a lyric.

Square

2011-02-01T18:52:00.001-06:00

~E~

Why do I find it hard to write the next line...

Of my life.

A Lighter Shade of Pale

2010-10-27T21:31:00.002-05:00

~E~

Damn. I'd walk a bit and feel like I'd just done a workout; I couldn't be THAT out of shape! My leg muscles would burn a little. That turned into walking a short distance and feeling out of breath. Pretty soon, I'd go downstairs and sort laundry and have to take a breather before I went upstairs again. I'd walk two blocks and have to stop, chest heaving and muscles locked up, and wait before I could go on. It was frustrating and a bit scary, there was NO WAY this was just being out of shape.

Every walk from the parking garage to my office, from my office to the lunchroom, left me feeling like I had run a marathon. People looked at me funny.

After a doctor visit, it turns out I'm fairly severely anemic! Not hospital-bad, but bad. That explains the physical weirdness, the crazy restless-leg syndrome I've been suffering with for the past couple of months. I'm glad it's something that is eminently treatable! Iron supplements for however long it takes to get back to normal, although I've discovered those pills make me sick to my stomach. If it's not one thing...

People have told me they perked right up after starting the supplements, so I'm really looking forward to that. I'm very glad I didn't push myself to work out; I think that would have led to some bad results.

Here's to health!

Monday

2010-09-07T14:08:00.000-05:00

~E~

Haunted.

So True

2010-08-17T08:56:00.000-05:00

~E~

Actions speak just as loud as words.

Not an asshole? Prove it.

2010-08-08T22:00:00.002-05:00

~E~

Recently there have been several instances of friends on facebook complaining about guys, saying they are jerks, and on one I commented that guys can be jerks sometimes. In all instances, a guy showed up really darn quickly to point out that not ALL guys are assholes or jerks.

So? Prove it.

Why is is that guys can show up in seconds to defend their gender's honor, but are noticeably absent when a woman is being called nasty names or is being treated like crap. Online? Guys don't bother. On the street? Guys don't bother, and in fact claim to not even see this stuff happen. At work? They studiously look the other way.

If you really aren't an asshole, call out other guys who are. If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Maybe someday, we can achieve a better world.

My lovelies

2010-06-28T21:11:00.000-05:00

~E~

Loserman wasn't going to tell me when and where my kids were coming in from Paris tonight. I simply called someone and found out the information, called him and said, innocently, "didn't you hear back yet?" He stuttered and said, uh, yeah and tried to explain where they were coming into town.

So now *I* get to pick them up! I get to drive them home and listen to their Parisian adventures! Yay!

small hope

2010-06-23T17:09:00.001-05:00

~E~

I hope he likes the goofy present I got him today before I found out he hates me. Although realistically it'll probably end up in the garbage without him even looking at it.

Another edition of random thoughts

2010-06-23T17:00:00.000-05:00

~E~

Lightning storms are cool.

Hate is such a waste of energy.

I won't feel guilty for my thoughts, feelings and opinions.

I won't feel bad when others assume they know why I wrote what I did and what it means, when they won't ask for clarification.

I will spend a bit of time feeling sad that some people I truly had affection for really don't like me.

I will try to figure out what I can do differently in the future, while keeping in mind that I have no control over how others choose to interpret my words and actions.

I want to fly away to another continent.

Brownies are the best food ever.

I'm excited about the fireworks coming up.

I'm not excited about all the mosquitoes that just showed up.

My nieces are adorable, and that's not surprising at all.

I'm glad I have stayed away from gossip lo these many years.

I think I do a pretty good job at life, overall.

This chick is going to spend time thinking about how her exboyfriend fits into her past and what my feelings for him are and will be. However things go, he was the best boyfriend I ever had.

Hi y'all!

2010-06-20T23:12:00.002-05:00

~E~

Hi everyone! I'm not sure why Mark sent y'all over here, but say hello. And remember, Mark was the guy I adored for years and years so be nice to the guy.

Lovely day

2010-06-20T22:52:00.002-05:00

~E~

We took Mom and my brother to see Toy Story 3 this weekend; it wasn't exactly a social chatty event, but we got mom out of the house for a while. The movie was just ok, I couldn't really get into it much. The little pixar short before the movie would have been pretty good too, if not for the 1950s wolf howling and whistling over a woman in a bikini. The whole thing had me gaping in disbelief that something like this was produced in the year 2010. Come on, Pixar, seriously?

I spent a lot of time in the sun trying to turn this white skin into something resembling a human being but I don't think I had much luck! I should just avoid the sun and cultivate my delicate pale complexion so as to avoid skin cancer.

Summer is definitely here. The weather has been stupendous, sunny and warm and breezy. Perfect. Now, if I were independently wealthy I'd be set.

:-)

2010-05-30T15:07:00.002-05:00

~E~

Hm. I knew breaking up would be hard, but not this hard, since it was my choice. It seems he has another person to occupy his time already, but I have no right to be jealous. I just kinda wish I had someone too, to take my mind off of things. I didn't do it that way though, that would be wrong and cruel to stay with someone until you have someone else lined up.

I want to unfriend him on facebook, but at the same time I don't want to. Every time one of his family posts pictures of them having a great time, I want to unfriend them too, just because it hurts. When I hung out with them, we'd basically just sit around and talk, or they would drink, or play with their gadgets. Much more fun when I'm not there; I never thought of myself as a huge party downer but maybe I am. He says it's pure coincidence that they seem to be doing more fun things now, but I seriously doubt it as ever more photos are posted.

I'm wondering if that had anything to do with my decision, but I don't think so.

Once, I asked him what he would be doing if I wasn't there to say "let's go do xyz!" and he said he'd just be sitting there watching TV. I felt like the driving force, but now I suspect he's creating his own fun without me which kind of hurts too. Was there just no motivation before? I don't know.

I would occasionally ask him if there was anything bothering him, or if anything I did got on his nerves. He always said everything was fine. How can that be? You can't be with someone that much and NEVER be annoyed, can you? It's not good to hold things in.

I just really don't know what happened here.

I know we had a very strong connection, at least I did, from the moment we laid eyes on each other.
I feel so sad, and like I shouldn't care what he does now since I'm not his girlfriend anymore - but how can you help it? I'm not used to breakups, I never dated much. How long does this take? How do you deal with the feelings? How do you not scream?

That One Afternoon...

2009-12-24T21:47:00.004-06:00

~E~

I trudged home the long four blocks from school, not really enjoying the sunshine because I was hot and tired. Florida Blvd., that long long block, was the hardest. That street seemed like it would never end. Then came the shortest block, and finally the long haul down Welby Lane before I got to my street.

I turned the corner, striding up the hill and then running the last few steps before I leaped onto the porch. Pushing the door open, I looked up to see that the living room was empty. I entered the kitchen and no one was there, either. After quickly checking all the bedrooms I started to feel my throat tighten up. Nobody was home.

Frightened that anyone could look in the window and see me, I huddled under the large picture window in the living room. I'd peek my eyes up over the window sill looking for a familiar car coming down the road, or hoping a sibling would show up soon but I knew they got out of school a half hour after I did. Whenever a strange car would drive by, I'd crouch down and hide again.

Finally, thankfully, mom's car pulled into the driveway and I was safe!! Mom walked in the door to be confronted with my tears, much to her surprise and guilt. She never imagined I would be afraid to be home alone. After many hugs and 'I'm sorrys' I sat down to my kool-aid and TV shows, confident that this day had ended well.

Wev

2009-10-10T20:35:00.001-05:00

~E~

I think that guys who are afraid of the big hairy feminists, and think they are all ebil man-haters, are just afraid of being called on their shit. They'll have to actually stop and think about their behavior once in a while, and god, what a drag that is.

Hater

2009-09-20T19:06:00.002-05:00

~E~

I hate it when you run into someone you haven't seen for a few years and you see that look in their eyes as they think "my god she's gained weight" and you can see them trying to look you up and down without you noticing.

I hate not understanding something when it seems like everyone else 'gets it'.

I hate not making more time for writing and other things that make me feel like I've accomplished something.

Um, I can't think of much more. I guess I don't hate much, except for the obvious things that everyone hates, like murder.

I also wonder why the ex was taking photos of my car with his cell phone today when I dropped off daughter.

OK, done.

But why?

2009-08-19T20:37:00.002-05:00

~E~

Someone was a bit surprised that I made public my last several entries. My reasoning is, I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

My silence will do nothing but protect the assholes that do this sort of thing. They are the ones who should be shamed, loudly and vocally. If I knew all their names, I would post them. I only know one, the guy in middle school who grabbed my breast. Martin Yngsdahl.

Really, to hell with these guys who just prey on women and girls. To hell with them, and utter shame to them.

The Denouement

2009-07-26T11:41:00.002-05:00

I decide I would like to start dating again. I am shocked at myself, but glad.

I ask everyone I know where they met their significant other. They almost all say 'online dating'.

I think about it for a couple of months and give it a shot.

Within two weeks I start emailing a really funny and interesting guy. A month or two later, we meet in person and I immediately feel comfortable with him. I am shocked at myself, but glad.

We hit it off and spend all kinds of time together. I have new rules for myself and relationships. I believe they will serve me well.

With Al, I really have nothing to worry about.

And wow. He rocks my world. Hanging out is good. Talking is good. Learning about each other's interests is good.

Sex is good. Holy crap, it can be good! I can actually feel desire for someone. I have the space and the respect to actually feel desire for someone!! I get to choose whether I want sex or not and what can be hotter than that?? It's amazing. Absolutely amazing. I have to stare in confusion at those people who think that making sure your partner consents ruins the whole thing.

And it's all because of Al.

A break

2009-07-26T11:35:00.003-05:00

I'm finally divorced.

I hate men. I hate men. I hate men. For three years I avoid all contact with men. I hate them. I do not trust them.

I do a lot of thinking and learning and growing.

I get a great job but panic a bit at the thought of working with men. It turns out alright. Except for one guy who has a tendency to yell and swear on the phone sometimes (not to me, I overhear it), which freaks me the hell out. I learn that he's a decent guy and his yelling and swearing is about him, not me.

I put on a good face and no one has a clue.

Funny that. How many people do you interact with every day have that mask that hides everything. Everyone thinks everything is great and normal. There is so much hurt out there. I wish men could understand this. This. This is why so many women are 'careful', and 'hesitant'. We don't know which kind of guy you are.

Stupid and evil

2009-07-26T11:31:00.000-05:00

I'm married.

The counselor just does. not. get. it.

Her solution for us is this:

He has to try a little harder to be nice to me.

I have to initiate sex a certain number of times per week.

What. The. Hell.

.....

2009-07-26T11:27:00.003-05:00

I'm married.

It's just rape.

I fucking hate him. He forces me to fuck him. I grit my teeth and do the things that I know will get it over with sooner. He, in his arrogance, thinks I'm doing it for him. When I have the strength to resist, he screams at me for hours, literally 2,3,4 hours. I'm a bitch. Why can't I show him how much I love him? I'm selfish. I'm cold. I need to have sex with him to prove how much I love him. But I don't, I hate him.

The kids can surely hear this. It's 2 am and they are in bed.

evil...

2009-07-26T11:25:00.002-05:00

I'm married.

I've given birth four weeks ago, by C-section. Major surgery.

He insists we have sex, by this time I'm too afraid of him to say anything. It hurts.

Doctors advise no sex for 6-8 weeks after giving birth.

When I supply this information at a counseling session, he looks at me and asks why I didn't say anything.

evil

2009-07-26T11:23:00.001-05:00

I am married

He starts yelling at me one day because he 'left me alone for one day and I didn't initiate sex'. He was testing me.

What I had felt that day was "thank god he's leaving me alone."

evil

2009-07-26T11:20:00.000-05:00

I'm married.

He fondles and gropes all day long. He is full of sexual innuendo. He wants sex all the time. I was never taught that I could say no, or how to say no. I find strange passive-aggressive ways to avoid it. I stay up really late, knowing that when I go to bed he'll want to have sex.

Sometimes I enjoy it.

Sometimes I endure it.

evil

2009-07-26T11:18:00.002-05:00

I've recently begun dating my eventually -to-be husband. I indicate an interest in sex.

He bursts out with "Is that all that matters to you, getting laid?????"

He does it anyway.

Am I supposed to feel ashamed?

evil

2009-07-26T11:16:00.000-05:00

Fourteen years old.

I ride my bike to a local park and find a bench to sit on. I enjoy the beautiful sunshine, the lake in front of me, I feel really good.

A man rides up on his bike and lays out his towel about 100 feet in front of me. He lays down with his legs facing me.

I can see his penis and testicles.

I am embarrassed for him.

I am embarrassed for myself.

I eventually leave, my day ruined.

It is years before I realize he did this on purpose.

evil

2009-07-26T11:14:00.001-05:00

Thirteen years old.

I ride my bike around a LOT.

As I wait on a corner for traffic to pass, a guy yells out the window "Get some clothes on!!" I have on shorts and a bikini top.

Too many times to count I hear, "Nice ass!!" "Wanna fuck?" and various whistles and obscene gestures.

evil

2009-07-26T11:13:00.000-05:00

Eleven years old.

I'm walking down the hallway at school. A boy reaches out and grabs my breast, hard, as he smirks at me. I look down and keep walking, shocked.

I don't tell anyone. Nothing will happen.

It's not the last time.

evil.

2009-07-26T11:10:00.002-05:00

Ten years old.

Walking home from school with my friend. We have our arms flung around each other.

Middle schoolers walk behind us, calling out "Lezzies!! You are lezzies!!"

We glance at each other guiltily and when it seems like the right moment, we 'casually' take our arms down and keep walking.

Will wonders never cease

2009-07-16T19:34:00.001-05:00

~E~

Imagine that, Walgreens has a huge 'sexual wellness' section. Sex toys galore.
Have fun shopping.

I prefer "A Woman's Touch", myself.

I dare you not to click on the links.

AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

2009-07-04T11:24:00.000-05:00

~E~

I thought I knew how to be straightforward. I thought I was getting a good handle on how to communicate well.

I was apparently all wrong.

Much needed relief

2009-06-27T12:42:00.002-05:00

~E~

This made me laugh hysterically, which is exactly what I needed today.

No kittens were harmed in the filming of this video.

Adventures in sewing

2009-06-25T22:00:00.002-05:00

~E~

How many 12-year-olds want to wear Dora the Explorer bathing suits? Not many, I fear. How many 12-year-olds fit into junior size swimming suits? Not many, I fear yet again. Solution? MAKE one!!

Easier said than done.

It's June, right? Apparently sewing patterns, like clothing, run in a strange cycle and it's about impossible to find a pattern for a swimsuit in June. We finally found one that was slightly acceptable - and the only suit pattern in the whole store - so we went to town with that one. Daughter chose the fabric and we headed home to cut.
I spent the evening cutting, pinning and sewing . Tonight I finished the bottom. I figured I could sew the sides shut since the original pattern was a bit too 'old' for Daughter.

Ha!

And HA again!

I canNOT believe this pattern was for a woman's size 6. Daughter is a very slender KID and the bottoms were so tiny even she was embarrassed. The sides don't come anywhere near touching, so forget about sewing them together. I can't imagine this fitting a woman.

I decided to make a small skirt to go over the bottoms but holy beachwear, Batman! What an experience.

Last Sunday, Part II

2009-06-09T21:34:00.006-05:00

~E~

I got to see the Eiffel Tower!

Red Sonja's house

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...

Quack quack quack quack quack quack

Open wide, my dearies.

One of the original pub signs from our fair city, first hung up in 1858, ten years after we became a state. True story.

Hello?

Last Sunday Part I

2009-06-08T21:30:00.007-05:00

~E~

Drunk bastard.

Spidey the health nut.

Random Fandom

2009-05-07T21:36:00.003-05:00

~E~

It's so disconcerting when someone you've just met, and seemed to get on well with, suddenly just really dislikes you. Enough so that she turns her head away from you when she sees you coming. I won't lose sleep over it but I wonder what makes people do that.

The social drama of sixth grade is too much for me to keep up with.

Asparagus is the best vegetable ever, but only oven roasted with salt. It tastes so green!

I seem to have lost my voice here at my blog. If someone will give me a phrase, I'll write a short story or poem for them and get this thing going again.

I got a horse right here

2009-04-28T22:05:00.002-05:00

~E~

I always enjoyed this skit from Sesame Street; I used to watch it with Number One Son when he was a toddler. Honest. He was the one who wanted to watch it. The tune was catchy and we'd both find ourselves singing it at odd times.

Several years later I caught a classic movie on TV and this scene came up. I was floored. They stole it from Sesame Street! The nerve.

I love musicals. I can't wait for YIFO's to come out.

Goin' to the Chapel

2009-04-16T21:42:00.003-05:00

~E~

I don't remember ever wanting to get married, ever in my life.

As a kid I figured it would happen some day since that's just what people did, but I didn't look forward to it. When it happened it was under duress; I was afraid what he'd do if I said no. That was a great start to things.

I'm curious about why other people get married. I hear there are some people who date with the intention of finding a spouse. I've never actually met one of these people. I wonder why they are so intent on getting hitched?

What ARE the reasons people get married? Is it just because that's what you do? Is it because they want to share their lives together, really and truly? Is it true love?

Why do so many women wait for the guy to propose? If the day comes when I DO want to marry, I'll discuss it with the guy and we'll figure it out together. If you really want it, go for it, I say.

Or those very religious folks, who don't so much as kiss until their wedding day. I wonder if they get married just so they can finally sate all those physical urges they've been having. I hope it's worth the wait!

Does anyone think past the proposal, or the wedding day? Living with someone for the rest of your life requires cooperation and communication. It requires exploring your assumptions of gender roles. It requires discussing who will clean the toilet and who will change the oil. It requires you to renegotiate things on an ongoing basis. I think that to be happy, you have to be open to at least listening to the other person. You have to be able to tell them what you want, where you're willing to compromise and where you aren't.

You have to like yourself and know that you deserve to be happy, and you have to know it is not that other person's responsibility to MAKE you happy. Neither of you owns the other. Neither of you is the boss of the other.

I've seen great partnerships so I know they exist. I admire those people and have used them as role models to shape my own views on partnership and marriage, and I thank them for that. I'm sure they have no idea what an impact they have made on me!

And so begins summer, the wedding season.

Love ya!

Ups and downs

2009-04-12T16:52:00.003-05:00

~E~

On a bike ride today, daughter came to a hill and just - stopped. I asked her why she stopped and she said she figured it would get hard part way up.

Here are my words of advice: When you see the hills coming, pedal harder. Work up your momentum and you'll get farther up the hill the first time. If you just stop, you're starting from nothing.

Words to live by.

Spirit

2009-03-30T21:25:00.003-05:00

~E~

There were few customers in the store, and not much to do. I was bored. I slowly made my way up and down the aisles of my department tucking in shoelaces, rearranging sizes, grabbing a misplaced pair of shoes and returning them to their rightful place. The store manager approached. A surly middle-aged man that no one liked, with a bad reddish-colored haircut and ugly polyester pants. He pushed up his large square plastic-rimmed glasses.

"This is Miss Rose," he managed to say in a not-too-unpleasant tone.

The woman next to him was ageless. She had white hair and skin so thin and white that I thought I would see right through her if I looked straight at her. She greeted me and indicated a table of our cheap loss-leader men's sneakers. She then turned her attention to the pen and paper in her hand. Well, sort of.

She - someone - began writing.

Size 6 1/2, 2 pairs
Size 7, 5 pairs
Size 7 1/2, 3 pairs
Size 8, 7 pairs
and on.

"Oh,", Miss Rose gasped. "Oh Dear Lord. Lord, I don't know if I can afford all of this." Her hands continued to write.

Finally the pen came to rest in her frail hand. Miss Rose made a few more entreaties to her God and then seemed to stagger for a small moment. She turned to the manager. He accepted the paper, looked at me and instructed me to gather all of the items on her list. I was rather in shock and confused, but did as he asked. The manager assisted Miss Rose through the checkout process; I have no idea how she got the shoes to wherever they were going. Certainly this ancient woman did not drive!

Later I shared this experience with one of the other women who worked there. She was actually quite familiar with Miss Rose, and told me that she donated the items she bought to the homeless.

I've never forgotten this woman although I never saw her again and I like to think that, old as she was back then, she is still out there taking instruction from her God and helping those who can't help themselves.

Slumdog Millionaire - spoilers

2009-03-21T13:22:00.004-05:00

~E~

After seeing this movie, I'm not sure what the big buzz was all about. While enjoyable, it was fairly cliche and predictable and I have a feeling it's one of those forgettable movies as well.

What made the biggest impression on me were the slums and how huge they were. That anyone could pull themselves out of a life like that in a legitimate fashion is almost unthinkable; that anyone living there would turn to crime to survive and possibly prosper seems a given.

The journey of the main characters begins when their mother is murdered; they are suddenly on their own. Some of the movies more amusing scenes actually come out of the different situations the boys take advantage of to earn (or steal) a living. I particularly enjoyed how they managed to get by once they come upon the Taj Mahal.

The main thread of the movie is Jamal trying to reunite with his lost love, Latika. They are 6 or 7 when they meet and Jamal takes her in along with his brother. They're separated a bit later in the movie and Jamal is obsessed with finding her again. He finds her and loses her a few times before the movie is over.

I didn't find Jamal's brother to be a very believable character. Salim seemed to start out as a little punk, when he sells something that is very important to Jamal, and gets worse from there. Later in the film he seems to be remorseful for the things he's done but it just rang false for me.

And Jamal went through the whole movie, from child to teen to adult, with his mouth hanging open in that Keanu Reeves style of acting.

There is violence in the movie, although nothing too graphic, which I appreciate. Latika almost ends up being prostituted, she is later raped - off screen - and ends up as an abused woman with a major crime lord (from whom she has to be rescued). There is violence against men and kids as well, which I think serves more to show the rough life of a 'slumdog' and the violence that goes with being a criminal. There are several disturbing scenes in an orphanage as well.

In the end the movie just feel shallow and flat. Wait for the DVD to come out.

Daily affirmation.

2009-03-17T21:43:00.002-05:00

~E~

I'm going to tattoo a sunrise on my lower back so I can tell people the sun shines out my ass.

Will you remember me?

2009-03-08T22:37:00.000-05:00

~E~

This is getting ridiculous.

Three personal email addresses.

Cell phone voicemail
Home phone voicemail
Work phone voicemail

Cell phone online account for me
Cell phone online account for Daughter

Online accounts for:

Utilities
Water
Online banking
401K
Tivo

Work computer log-in
Three websites I need to access for my job

Various blogger accounts (posting comments at other blogs/news sites), around 3 or 4

Facebook
Evite account
Cyclespages
Irish Dance School site

Newegg
Thinkgeek
QVC
Gaelsong
Shopirish
Etsy
Avis rent-a-car

Kim and Jason Lemonade Stand
itunes

Flickr
Photobucket

Library

That's thirty three so far. Thirty three passwords to come up with and remember. I'm sure I've forgotten other accounts or reasons to have a password, and I know most sites will email you if you've forgotten your password but doesn't this seem a bit out of hand? I also have to remember various user names on a lot of these sites. It's a chance to get creative but it's also one more thing to forget!

Perhaps I should just disconnect my internet and make my life easier. It's tempting.

Baker's Delight

2009-03-01T16:56:00.004-06:00

~E~

"What we did this weekend"

Al's birthday was Friday, so Daughter and I put our minds together and decided to make him the cake of his dreams. We worked very hard on it, literally hours, and I think our hard work paid off.

Behold, the kitty litter cake.

Al had a smile on his face when we unveiled it, so presumably he was happy about it...

Later in the weekend, I prepared myself a delicious soft pretzel. Now, I love soft pretzels and will go so far as to eat the subpar pretzels available at hockey games, but the kind we heat up at home are my favorites.

This is a delicious hot soft pretzel.

This is a not-so-delicious hot pretzel whose life ended in clouds of black smoke coating everything in my house. Poor thing.

And finally, as a grand finale, Daughter and I made these awesome oatmeal fudge cookies, filled with chocolaty goodness. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

International Fame

2009-02-12T22:15:00.002-06:00

~E~

On our first day in Ireland, my parents and I forced ourselves to wash up and make our way out of the B&B and into the real world. Our eyes sandy and bleary from the long plane trip, feeling rumpled and in need of a shower, we stumbled down the stairs and into our rental car.

Our destination was downtown Ennis. The city was having a fleadh that weekend, a fine arts festival that involved the entire city. It included plays, concerts, dance exhibitions and was a perfect start to our stay in Ireland.

Having found out there was a parade a bit later, Mom, Dad and I staked out a spot on a curb to watch. The sky, surprisingly (haha) was a bit cloudy but we stuck it out anyway.

The parade did eventually begin. It was kind of a sorry affair, and we heard people talking about it and saying that not every one had shown up. They stopped the parade a few times because of rain, and finally just gave up on it altogether. It wasn't disappointing at all - we were in frackin' Ireland, people!

We walked around a bit, saw a play or two, watched one singing competition in which the poor woman onstage totally forgot her lyrics. It was painful. People in the audience tried to whisper loudly so she'd hear, but she finally ran off stage, redfaced.

I was fascinated by how narrow the roads were; I walked into the middle of the street to snap a photo and was dragged back by my dad as a car came racing down the road! The roads just don't seem like streets, and it took another day or two to get used to everyone driving on the other side of the road.

We continued our roadtrip, ending up a week later in Dublin on the other side of the country. Stopping in a newspaper shop, Dad picked up a copy of the Clare Champion, the newspaper from Ennis where we had begun our journey.
There, on a back page pictorial of the fleadh, was a photo of me. My mom. My dad.

International stardom, I'm tellin' ya.

Lies and the lying-ass liars who spew them

2009-02-09T21:20:00.003-06:00

~E~

Remember that feeling of righteous indignation you had at age 13, when the teacher refused to believe it was not you talking and giggling at the back of class?

Yeah.

I was at an intersection I've driven through thousands of times, waiting to turn right. I had a red, and the traffic coming on the left was reaching the end of it's cycle; I watched as their light turned yellow, then red. I waited a few moments to let the usual fly-thru-the-light jerkoffs go through, then I pulled out. And suddenly there was a car there, a small scrunch sound and I thought what the F??

They pulled over, I pulled over and before I was even out of the car the guy was calling the police. Who actually came.

I looked at his brand new expensive van and I couldn't see any damage, just a spot that looked like maybe a very VERY shallow scrape. I asked which direction he had been coming from, and when he told me I said "you ran the red light!" which he of course denied. Him and his stupid little pinstripe suit.

The officer was pretty nice, talked to both of us, but in the end he believed them because, get this, there were two of them. So one could corroborate the other's story. What bullshit. The thing that really pisses me off, though, is that in the accident report he stated that THEY had a green light; he didn't even say that was in dispute.

So I got the first ticket ever of my young life. And learned a lesson that I haven't had shoved in my face since I was a teenager - honesty does not pay.

~*~

Addendum

This is my car after the accident.

This is my car after I wiped it off.

So it looks like I basically scraped the dirt off of their car.

I'm pissed.

Random-licious

2009-02-07T22:28:00.002-06:00

~E~

What are cats really doing when they lick themselves all over? How many times a day do they do it? It seems like seven or eight. And it only follows that every time you pet a cat, you get a handful of cat spit.

There are many things that have fascinated me over the years, but I've never followed up on them. Geology seems very cool. I would like to know the thousands of different types of rocks and crystals and minerals and where they occur and how they got there. I wish I could read music. I wish I could speak Italian. The depths of the ocean are very much a mystery to us even now. I want to go there.

I want to know all the history there is. I want to learn about all the women who did great things and were never recognized for it. Someone once told me that she believes every person is here on earth for a reason. I wish that were true, but I don't think it is. There are just too many people here for it to be true.

Why are women seen as a special interest group when we are more than half the population?

I'm afraid I offended my friend by posting that last video. Sorry! I had no idea it would be everywhere within a matter of hours.

Mark and Gordy say, "It's all about the physics."

So's your mom.

Is this forever?

2009-02-03T21:46:00.000-06:00

~E~

I laughed, I cried, I give it a thumbs up!

Building bridges, only to watch them come crashing down into a twisted pile of steel and concrete

2009-02-02T21:23:00.002-06:00

~E~

People who know the whole story would say I have every right to hate my ex. I don't. Why bother? It's a waste of my energy and I'd rather concentrate on the positive. Apparently he does not (surprise!) share the same outlook.

He called last week to discuss something relating to the kids and when he was done, I asked him if we could talk about something else. I told him that I didn't hate him, I tell the kids funny things about him. I told him that we had some good times; I asked if we could just put the past behind us and be civil to each other for the kids' sake. They feel and hate the anger that glows from him.

He has a spinal cord injury that causes him pain. I told him that when I stop over to pick up the kids, I never know if he's disgusted by the sight of me or if he's just in pain. It's hard to tell. He immediately started ranting at me that I will never know what he's going through, as though I hadn't lived right there with him during his recovery and for a few years after that. As though it was somehow my fault. I tried to assuage him by saying that, while I couldn't know exactly what he was going through, I could certainly empathize and I'm fully aware of it.

Since I had mentioned the word 'anger', he decided to go down the list of things that had pissed him off lately- things I had done, of course - and explain to me why exactly I had caused his anger. I again explained that I was trying to build bridges for the kid's sake, and could we just focus on that and move forward?

How dare I.

He raised his voice and told me that I had done SO MANY things to him!!! dramaaccuse
moredramawallowinselfpityadinfinitum

I replied that he had done a lot to me too, and could we just move past that for the kids sake?

He almost shrieked - What? WHAT did I do to you? Name ONE thing!!

Good Maude.

I informed him that I wasn't going to go there. Lets move on, I said. He kept trying to insist that I had made his life miserable (by my mere existence in his life, I guess, which is a far cry from what he was saying when I was taking care of his paralyzed ass for four years) and had to list my sins.

I replied, "I think not."

That was the end of that conversation. I think now that I have come to accept that he is mentally ill and will never return to the real world. I do not say that lightly. The man has issues and refuses to deal with them. And my children suffer.

The courts refuse to see emotional and verbal abuse as enough to warrant less or no custody. No bruises or broken bones, no case.

My heart bleeds for my children almost every day.

The Big O

2009-01-20T21:29:00.001-06:00

~E~

America shudders in sweet, sweet release for the first time in eight years.

Lets cuddle for a bit before we get down to business.

Entitled Asshole Monday

2009-01-19T21:09:00.002-06:00

~E~

Part the first.

She dialed her ex-husband to tell him that Daughter would not be over right away in the morning as Son was there; Son came to hang out and let the cable repairperson in, and Daughter wanted very much to hang out with him.

The ex-husband demanded to know when the repairperson was scheduled to come over. She responded that the appointment was for 1-3, and the ex-husband angrily told her she should have made the appointment earlier.

She rather incredulously told the ex-husband that that was the only time available; he yelled that he was not happy with this. She was thinking that it was typical and stupid of him to even begin to imagine that she would arrange her schedule to suit him.

She reminded him that technically, daughter was not required to go to ex-husband's house until 4:30, whereupon ex-husband slammed his phone down.

Part the Second.

During the staff meeting at her job, a couple of announcements were made regarding safety. There had been two instances of fire alarms going off and fire department personnel arriving and investigating. One of these situations was a bit dicey until they figured out what was going on.

During these incidents, some of the employees refused to leave their offices. Other of the employees demanded of the fire department personnel that they be allowed into the buildings.

Parking at this place of employment gets rather full. There seem to be quite a few employees who feel that they should not be required to walk far to the entrance, nor should they be required to park their cars outside where they could possibly be snowed upon. (regardless of the fact that said cars are DRIVEN in the snow; I know, I don't get it either)

As there are only a limited number of actual parking spots that are both indoors AND near an entrance, the employees make their own parking spots. In pedestrian walkways, in motorcycle parking slots, in random places that seem to have enough room to park their cars.

~*fin*~

Seriously?

2008-12-31T14:13:00.003-06:00

Seriously? OK, maybe I exaggerate a bit but trying to throw shovelfuls of snow over my head is ridiculous.

I do like the sound of the snow squeaking under my boots. One must find pleasure where one will.

Damn!

2008-12-31T14:07:00.002-06:00

So this must be what straight men are presented with every minute of every day of every week of every - well, you get the idea.

I could live with seeing ads like this everywhere. Let's ditch all the naked lady ads and replace them with these!!

I enjoy how the leg covers his genitals, leaving us titillated and wondering what, exactly, he's hiding. We get just a taste of his bare buttocks.

Via Feminist Law Profs.

Watch this video!

2008-11-29T13:37:00.002-06:00

~E~

I haven't been posting deep thoughts lately. I hope this will make up for it. This woman is amazing, not to mention freaking adorable, and I smile through all of her videos. Look her up on youtube - Julia Nunes.

Put a ring on it

2008-11-22T10:15:00.000-06:00

~E~

I'm not entirely sure what to make of this. I think it's an, ad based on the last frame, but..

He dances better than I do.

$2.09 per gallon

2008-11-12T15:47:00.001-06:00

~E~

Bwhaaa...?? That's what gas is today. Every time I see a lower price I do a double-take. It seems very surreal.

I know it won't last.

And one cannot hoard gas.

Here's to public transportation!!

Veteran's Day

2008-11-11T20:52:00.003-06:00

~E~

Thanks, popster. The following is written by my dad, who was in the Korean War.

The Essence of War

I watched as the giant Globemaster transport plane touched down on the runway, as gently as a leaf drifting to earth on a brisk fall day………..
It was early July. Truce talks aimed at ending the Korean War were finally being taken seriously. To improve their positions prior to a settlement, Chinese and North Korean forces had conducted a major offensive against “Old Baldy” and “Pork Chop Hill.”
…….
The bloody battle surged back and forth across the slopes of the two hills. After five days of violent, often hand-to-hand combat, friendly troops recovered the lost ground. As in most battles, the only accomplishment was the death and maiming of thousands of young men.

The sheer number of wounded mandated that only those who could not be safely transported would be treated at MASH or divisional facilities. The rest were treated on the battlefield, rushed to the nearest airstrip and loaded onto planes bound for one of the large evacuation hospitals scattered around the country. Though normally dedicated to longer term care, the volume of wounded modified the hospitals’ mission to resemble those on the front line. Among these was the 25th Evacuation Hospital at Taegu, near the K2 airbase where I was stationed. We received two planeloads of injured soldiers for transport to the hospital.

First down the loading ramp came the litter bearers carrying the most seriously wounded and the non-ambulatory. First handfuls, then dozens and ultimately, scores of casualties were carried down the ramps. Blood-soaked, dirt-stained bandages predominated, but there were frequent glimpses of faces and limbs charred with the evil scarlet of burns that demonstrated the atrocities men visited upon each other in the name of God and country. A few stretchers carried the fully covered corpses of those who did not survive the flight. Finally, the ambulatory casualties shuffled off the plane in what seemed a never-ending stream. They came-uniforms charred, shredded, sometimes missing altogether. They came, young men with faces suddenly aged by pain and anguish. Most remarkable was the sight of those with upper body wounds assisting, in some cases carrying, those with foot and leg injuries. The blinded soldier might well be led by one with unimpaired sight, but suffering burns or other afflictions. Regardless of their injuries, they took care of one another without complaint.

After watching two C-124s unload over 200 casualties, I could no longer cope with this terrible parade of pain. I left the flight line and returned to my quarters. As a member of a combat unit, I had experienced death and injury. But unlike what unfolded before me, we had a more abstract experience. A friend-a hero-a human being would take off on a mission and never be seen again.

I was back in my quarters only a short time before I realized that I had to do something, regardless of how little it might be. Grabbing my hat and my last two packs of Chesterfields, I headed out and caught a ride on a weapons carrier into town and the army evac hospital.

The hospital was so overburdened, that no one bothered to control who came or went. I walked in the door and down a hall into the treatment area. Before me was a long corridor with doors opening into rooms on either side. Each room was filled with bunk-ridden wounded and scurrying hospital staff. The overflow of wounded men was packed between the doorways. Shoulder to shoulder, they sat quietly with only an occasional moan or gasp of pain. It was a sea of olive drab mixed with currents of blood red and the black of burned cordite. Faces were uniformly gray from pain or blood loss, or both. Suddenly, I know why I was here. Maybe, just maybe, I could make some of these guys, for just a moment, forget what they were going through.

Slowly I worked my way down the hall, passing out cigarettes, trying to bring a touch of normalcy to those whose world had become one of fear and pain.

Hey, you want a smoke?
Where you from?
Liberal, Kansas? I had a buddy from there-Ben Steele. Know him?
Looks like you got a ticket home, pal.
They’ll have you dancing in no time.
Hey, lotsa girls think scars are sexy.

Some didn’t respond, staring vacantly into their private vision of hell. Most seemed happy for human contact. The cigarettes were welcome. Even the occasional joke was worth it, in spite of the flush of pain it might generate.
Coming to the end of the hall, I turned into the one that intersected it. The view was the same, only the strained faces were different. I continued for the next half hour or so-corridor to corridor, man to man. Finally, physically and emotionally exhausted and, more important, out of cigarettes, I left the hospital.

Back on the street, the vile stink of open sewers, the reek of kimchi cooking on every hearth and the oppressive odor of charcoal-burning trucks seemed sweet compared to the evil smells of blood, burned flesh, and body excretions that had been my constant companion for the past half hour or so. I returned to the relatively sane world of my quarters.
Less than a week later, I left Korea for home.

Less than two weeks later, the armistice was signed.

Those of us who served in Korea are shrinking in number. We went to war to the snap and crackle of fluttering flags and the exhilaration of patriotic fervor, only to return to a nation that had already forgotten us. Each time we hear a reference to “The Forgotten War” our hurt is renewed. But this is nothing compared to the physical hurt of our comrades who came back to an uncaring country with missing limbs, sightless eyes and other indignities that war inflicts on young bodies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my brother as well, who was in the first Gulf War.

Son update

2008-11-09T22:08:00.002-06:00

~E~

The child seems to be improving. No longer must he arise every hour on the hour to douse his eye with antibiotics. No longer must he visit the kind physician every day. He has to go back in two days for a followup and he'll see what's up then.

He does look very handsome his new glasses, I must say. It'll be even better when his eye stops glowing red.

Migraines suck

2008-11-09T15:03:00.003-06:00

~E~

Yes. Yes, they do. Know what else sucks? When the editorial page of your local newspaper has four columnists write about how awesome it is that Obama was elected - and NONE of the columnists was a woman.

After having a woman make a darn good run for the presidency (and reveling in the fact that there might be someone high up in government who would inject some inkling of the fact that women make up over 50% of the population) it feels especially painful to be poked with that stick. I always noticed things like that before but I somehow thought that after having Clinton and Palin running for high office we could actually acknowledge that women exist.

Nope.

We're still invisible. And frankly, women are a big reason that Obama was elected. Perhaps if Mr. Obama finally does make an effort to bring women's issues to the forefront it will trickle down?

P.S. I strongly believe addressing 'women's issues' will make the world a better place for everyone. And someday 'women's issues' will not be a separate category as if women were somehow different from 'people'.

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!

2008-11-04T22:12:00.002-06:00

~E~

He did it! He won!!!!

I'm scared

2008-11-03T21:34:00.003-06:00

~E~

I'm scared for my son. He has an ulcer on his cornea and a very bad eye infection. It started last week, I took him to the doc on Saturday (we were sent straight to the hospital from there) and it's not improving significantly yet. It's bad. If it doesn't get better, he could lose his vision in that eye.

I can't save him from that and that hurts.

This is what his eye looks like; warning, it's gross.

It didn't really hit me until today just how serious this could be.

I hope this clears up.

Great photos

2008-10-29T19:15:00.001-05:00

!E!

Click here for some great Obama and kid photos.

The ancients among us

2008-10-28T21:29:00.003-05:00

~E~

This is the sort of thing that fascinates me. This tree may be 1500 years old - amazing!Towering over 65 feet high, the Angel Oak has shaded John's Island, South Carolina, for over 1400 years, and would have sprouted 1000 years before Columbus' arrival in the New World. Recorded history traces the ownership of the live oak and surrounding land, back to the year 1717 when Abraham Waight received it as part of a small land grant. The tree stayed in the Waight family for four generations, and was part of a Marriage Settlement to Justus Angel and Martha Waight Tucker Angel.

See more here.

When I see old people ... I see them young and climbing the branches of this tree.

It sometimes makes me sad when I realize how much humans have changed the landscape, how little many of us seem to care about the future. We no longer build things to last. We build a store that gets torn down 18 years later and then build the same store two blocks away.

There is a university library out east (sorry I can't remember which one and can't find it via a quick search) that was built in the late 1700s or early 1800s. At the time it was built, oaks were planted on the property; the builders planned ahead for the day when repairs would be necessary.

Why are so many of us in this country and in these times, unwilling or unable to see past next week?

Subliminal advertising?

2008-10-25T15:20:00.002-05:00

~E~

Can you see faces in your broccoli? This is bizarre!

From this blog.
You know what I'm going to be looking at next time I go grocery shopping.

Krekel Wezen

2008-10-21T22:02:00.003-05:00

~E~

It is the new catch phrase for the Blizzard family. It translates as "cricket being", which captures my fancy.

Now I want to learn Dutch.

Spanish, French and Irish:

Grillo = cricket

Grillon = cricket

Cruicéad = cricket

I still think krekel beats them all.

There's something to be said for lovely weekends

2008-10-21T11:29:00.006-05:00

~E~

Ah, yes. Why not take the whole family in for a tattoo? I had offered Al's mom a tattoo for her birthday, rather half-jokingly, but she jumped at the chance! Al and his brother decided to get in on the fun as well, so we all went together to "mark" them. I declined, lest you think you should ask to see mine, thank you.

It seems like it should be a momentous occasion, getting your first tattoo, being marked for the rest of your life. It really wasn't. The artists came up, asked if this was the one you wanted, then took you back and buzzed away. It was all over in less than half an hour.

Al's forever marking:

His brother's forever marking:

I didn't get a pic of his mom's. Too bad, since she was the impetus for all this craziness.

Sunday I spent with my friend M, looking at an art exhibit about 'Mami Wata' and giving her birthday presents. YAY presents!

I tried to find a good link about Mami Wata (Mommy Water, basically) online but there really isn't much there. She is a goddess originating in Africa and spreading elsewhere as Africans moved outward from the continent (not necessarily of their own free will). She is most often depicted as a mermaid or snake charmer and seems to have begun as a good thing. But over time, since she is non-Christian and female she seems to have been demonized a bit.

I also took my friend M to Sephora to pick out something additional for herself. That's a cool store, but wow - do people really spend $80 on bath oil?

In any case it was great to see her as always. She's got interesting thoughts on a lot of topics and she makes me think. That's a good thing.

Ho-lee shit

2008-10-21T11:29:00.001-05:00

~E~

People please, let's be careful out there.

Sometimes

2008-10-15T20:13:00.003-05:00

~E~

Sometimes, you just know.

Shopping with Al yesterday, I knew I should buy that $1 lottery ticket. I didn't win the top prize, but I did win $20. I think my friend would approve.

Now I have to figure out if there is something in particular I should do with $20.

In the still of the night

2008-10-12T11:21:00.002-05:00

~E~

Some strange sound woke me up last night at 3:30 am. The cat heard it too, and leaped off the bed to go see what it was, but then she turned and stared at my bedroom window for a while. Not fun. We heard no other sounds, although I did get up and turn some lights on and off just so there were signs of awareness in the house.

Makes me wish I could borrow a big dog at night.

This morning I unlocked the back door and as I pulled it open the handle came off in my hand. Errrr, not cool. The handle is separate from the lock so I'm safe, and I think it's entirely coincidence, but I hate stuff like that.

And the final product

2008-10-05T21:42:00.002-05:00

~E~

Because blogger wouldn't let me post all the photos in the other thread:

This cake was for a picnic put on by her Irish dance group, and needless to say it was a BIG hit! To the point of everyone ooh-ing and aah-ing, and wanting to take a picture.

Good job, daughter!

Cake Debut

2008-10-05T21:22:00.003-05:00

~E~

Daughter has for some time expressed an interest in cake decorating. Following is her first attempt. (Imagine I'm saying that in a golf announcer's fake whisper):

Aura 2

2008-10-02T19:59:00.000-05:00

~E~

When I see old people, I see them at the age of 20.

How do you do?

2008-09-30T20:12:00.004-05:00

~E~

It started as just background noise in my head, and by the end of the day had grown so loud that I had to look it up on youtube. I found it. Since then I have been obsessed with it.

I suspect it's partly because the guy is reminiscent of what Al looked like before I met him, long hair and a beard.

As with all obsessions, I searched the internet to see what I could find. These two are Dutch. He is known as Big Mouth, but his real name is Willem Duyn. He was born a really long time ago, in 1937. He is dead now.
Her real name is Sjoukje van't Spijker but she goes by Maggie Maclean. She is still alive and singing.

This has been the first installment of Obsession Corner.

Aura

2008-09-30T19:46:00.000-05:00

~E~

When I see old people, I see myself.

Whenever I make tea, I think of Melissa

2008-09-27T14:20:00.002-05:00

~E~

So there.

We were so poor the cockroaches were bringing US food

2008-09-27T12:18:00.002-05:00

~E~

When I was a kid I had a few classmates ask me if we were 'poor'. I felt vaguely ashamed and I really can't remember what I answered. It seemed, though, that more than a few of my classmates were in the same economic class.

Looking back, damn straight we were poor. I really don't know how my parents coped. My mom added up the price of food as we went grocery shopping so she would stay in her budget; even a candy bar was a big deal to us back then and it was a rare treat, as was fast food.

Dinners often consisted of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese dinner. Period. Or pancakes, or rice-a-roni with a few breakfast sausages tossed in. My mom had a few really horrible recipes that I could barely choke down but it was either that or nothing. One thing she called "Collinsburgers" was especially gross. She'd mix cheap hamburger with catsup and mustard, spread a thin layer on a bun and broil it. Gag. She also did this thing where she'd line a cake pan with meatballs, pour what must have been some form of V8 juice over it, toss in some canned green beans and top it with those biscuits that come in a tube. I suppose the cost per person for these meals was next to nothing, but so was the enjoyment of the food, haha.

Milk was often powdered milk mixed with water. I can still see the blue pitcher we always made it in, and often she would realize at dinner time that we were out so we'd have to mix up a batch right then. Yum, warm lumpy milk. And we weren't allowed to leave the table until we finished it. I remember sitting there many nights wondering if they'd hear me dump it in the sink, since I was the last one left at the table.

Our snacks consisted of koolaid and soda crackers. So delicious. If I even had food to pack in a sack lunch for school, it was merely one piece of bread with jelly on it. The day we started getting free hot lunch was a banner day for me, and probably the best meal of my day. Everyone at school would complain about how awful hot lunch was, and I would join in, but I really liked them. Hot lunch back then was real actual food made at the school, not prepackaged crap they get now.

For many many years I had only two pairs of pants and a few shirts at a time. By the end of the school year I would literally be wearing rags. I think this is the reason I have a huge mental block regarding shopping at thrift stores and wearing those clothes. It's flavored too much with wearing nasty shit that embarrassed me. I wonder sometimes why my parents never noticed my rags and didn't buy me new clothes, but perhaps they just didn't have the money.

Dad worked many hours of overtime as a paint salesman, not a hugely lucrative profession. I thought it was normal to work every Saturday, but apparently it's not. Go figure. My poor pop. I know he had a lot of unrealized dreams. Mom worked part-time in retail when the older kids were responsible enough to babysit the younger ones. How we all got along is an entirely different post!

We had little in the way of toys but our imaginations more than made up for it, and kids played outside together much more than they do now. Summer nights would consist of hours of kickball or hide and seek. The neighborhood wasn't fully developed, so there were plenty of trees to climb and woods to play explorer or spy in. I remember with affection one fallen log that greatly resembled a dragon and we would ride our dear "Draggy" on endless adventures. Mom says one year we got toys from the empty stocking club. I don't remember ever feeling ripped off at all on holidays, maybe because, as I mentioned earlier, so many others were in similar circumstances.

We didn't have very good outerwear, in fact I remember wearing rainboots and nothing else sometimes as winter boots, but we still were outside a lot in the winter. A couple of years I was wearing coats that were much too small for me. Brrr, I feel frostbite coming on even now as I think about it.

One lovely and Very Important To Me regular event was the Friday trip to the local library. I could not wait!!! Even if I checked out 3 books, I would have devoured them by Sunday and would be ready to go again right away. I am so incredibly grateful to my parents for instilling this love of reading and all of us (all six of us) continue to read to this day. It's a huge part of our lives. See? It's possible to have great fun for free.

It amazes and humbles me to look back on those days and to realize how good I and my kids have it now. It leaves me with even more respect for my folks for getting through that and I certainly appreciate the advantages I now have.

The Bees Knees

2008-09-27T12:13:00.002-05:00

~E~

How cool is this - bees can count to four?

Check it out!

"We find that bees can count up to four objects, when they are encountered sequentially during flight."

What does this mean for humans? We are not the only intelligent species on the planet. Even bugs are smart! And even bugs who we claim should not be able to fly , according to the laws of (human) physics!

Stalker

2008-09-26T18:23:00.001-05:00

~E~

I thought this was funny. Be patient and watch it all the way through.

Things I would suck at

2008-09-24T21:50:00.003-05:00

~E~

I would make a terrible pioneer woman. Get up at the crack of dawn, start a fire, feed and water and milk the cow, make hotcakes, haul water, do laundry on a washboard, hoe the garden, can some vegetables, churn butter etc etc etc. Nope, ain't gonna happen.

Secret service agent? Nah. I'd scan the crowd for five minutes, then get really bored and distracted and start putting together a dance routine in my head for KC and the Sunshine Band's "That's the way I like it". And I'm not taking a bullet for anyone not related intimately to me.

Artist. I have these great ideas in my head that I can never translate into any sort of attractive or meaningful medium. Stuff always comes out ordinary or ugly. Big sigh. Although who knows, maybe that's the next big thing?

I used to think I would suck at being president, but now I think I'd do a bang-up job compared to... some.

I'd really suck at being a religious leader because I'm a terrible liar. Along those lines, scratch off politician, lawyer, salesperson and financial advisor.

I think I'll work on things I would be super at next.

Side kicks

2008-09-20T16:21:00.003-05:00

~E~

A post about psychics, or 'side kicks' as Number One Son used to say when he was five.

Do you ever just know something? Can you predict the future? Every now and then it happens to me, but I can't say that it happens with anything that matters. I'll be 100 percent certain I'm going to win this game of Solitaire that I just started, but I haven't yet predicted who will win the next election. So not especially useful.

Recently a coworker's birthday was coming up. I knew she would be wearing green that day, despite having no reason to have a clue what she would wear so I did wore green as well in her honor. And yup, she was wearing green. I amaze myself, I swear. haha

Another Incredible Future-Predicting Incident happened with my niece when she was about three. I had a favorite pair of sunglasses and as we were sitting there playing I suddenly just knew she was going to break them. I didn't freak out, I knew it was inevitable - it's weird, it's something you just KNOW - and sure enough she picked them up by the temple piece and it snapped off.

I forgot the coolest one! I have never had an ultrasound, but I knew the gender of both of my babies with utter certainty both times I was pregnant. I bought only boy clothes for the first and only girl clothes for the second. I would have had some gender bending babies if I'd been wrong.

Am I just a new age freak or do other people have this awesome talent?

Sometimes I wonder if this is a real thing (well, it is, but how and why does it work?) and can one somehow encourage it to grow? Could I someday make my living as a side kick?

Good News!

2008-09-09T22:01:00.004-05:00

~E~

My friend R sent me an article that seeks to report on how women are doing at the office. The author began with the premise that women are hindered in their communication on the job for various reasons and wanted to figure out how women are hurt and how they could improve.

She quickly realized that women seem to be doing much better than previously thought and changed her direction.

Ultimately, Ford says women don't need to "improve" their ways of speaking because they are already strong participants.

It's interesting, give it a read.

Thanks, R.

2008-09-09T22:01:00.001-05:00

Let's put it all on the table.

2008-09-09T21:58:00.003-05:00

Sigh.

I. WANT.

2008-09-06T16:18:00.001-05:00

~E~

This is a dining table. The top is made of river rocks embedded in acrylic. I Want This Table.

I knew it

2008-09-03T07:09:00.001-05:00

~E~

I'm sitting here listening to Rudy (911) Giuliani saying that it is appalling the sexism that S@r@h P@lin is being hit with right out of the gate. It's unprecedented.

No, it's not. Have you not been paying attention since Hillary Clinton entered the race? I knew the Republicans would stick up for there own in a way that the Democrats would not.

Thanks, Democrats. You have proven you are not the Big Tent party.

Dance dance party party

2008-08-31T17:19:00.002-05:00

~E~

This sounds like a lot of fun. Basically, women get together, someone brings an hour and a half of dance music, and everyone just dances. The three rules are 'no boys, no booze and no judgement'.

I want!

And they make a seriously big deal of the “no judgment” part, making it clear that if you even look like you’re judging someone else, you’ll be out on your ass. Nice!

...There’s also a fourth rule they don’t mention on the website: No talking. Naturally, when I first heard this, I panicked. WHY DON’T YOU JUST ASK ME NOT TO BREATHE FOR 90 MINUTES? But once we got started, I realized how brilliant that rule is. If I’d been allowed to talk, I would have spent the first ten minutes giggling nervously...

This would be so much fun! I loved to go out dancing and would love to do it again. It's a high, it really is.

Here's a question for you

2008-08-30T21:10:00.001-05:00

~E~

Where was Mr. Rogers coming from at the beginning of the show? And where was he going when he left at the end?

I always thought he was coming home for lunch, but I just read somewhere that the house isn't his, it is supposed to be a "TV" home where his TV kid friends can visit him.

Hm. I think that's a bit too deep for your average 4 year old.

This-n-that

2008-08-28T20:53:00.002-05:00

~E~

I saw a truck that had truck nuts on it today. Daughter was rather perturbed. I told her guys who have those are very insecure.

I'm feeling strangely attractive and confident today. Odd, after that horrid hair cut.

I've been getting a CSA box for about 12 weeks now. It's cool to support a local farm, and to try new veggies, but I don't think I'll do it next year. We don't get enough of any one thing to really use in recipes; and we get one or two of so many different things that it's hard to consume it all. I feel like too much gets wasted.

I am going to take a mosaics class with the mom. That, or take a day trip somewhere fun. She has to let me know which she prefers. It will be my birthday gift to her - is it a good gift if she can't stand the sight of me? har har, just kidding.

I have a couple of deeper posts brewing in my head. Promise.

Disaster in the Blizzard household!

2008-08-25T18:43:00.002-05:00

~E~

Al and I went in for our five-times-a-year haircut this weekend. My stylist was off so I saw someone else.

Not a good idea.

As we were waiting for our cuts, I mentioned to Al that I saw several women leave with really shitty haircuts. I, however, still felt secure.

C introduced herself and took me to her station; she was a really funky-looking person so I still felt secure.

We discussed the cut. We agreed that she would cut 1 to 11/2 inches off the length. We agreed she would do some layering around my face, with the layers to start about jaw level. She washed my hair and started cutting. I still felt secure.

I felt a little bit like she was rushing, but not enough to worry. I had to take my glasses off so couldn't see what she was doing, but still I felt secure.

She cut, she trimmed, she blow dried, she styled. She was finally finished. I put on my glasses and looked at myself in the mirror. My first thought was, "are you serious?" I couldn't think of anything to say. I didn't like the haircut. I didn't feel so secure anymore...

She walked me up to the counter to pay and I caught a few glimpses of myself along the way. When the cashier asked if I was happy with my haircut, I burst into tears. It was awful. It was really really bad. She got a manager there in about two seconds and she took me to her station to talk it over.

Picture your hair slicked down flat to your head, down to about ear level. Then, take a push broom, remove the handle, bend the brush part into a U shape and wrap it around your head. That's what I looked like. Plus, she cut about 4 inches off my hair!! She cut it all off to jaw level, instead of starting the layering at that point. Horrible! Ugly! I feel kind of strange getting so upset about a haircut, but a nasty haircut isn't really something you can hide, you know?

There wasn't much they could do since it was already cut so short, so now I'll be sporting hats and scarves until my hair grows out. I'm trying not to be too upset since there isn't a thing I can do about this, but it's been hard.

I'm not sure I'll ever get a cut again, at this point!

The costume!

2008-08-22T17:07:00.005-05:00

~E~

Here it be, mates!

I still have to hem the bottom of the shirt but I'm thrilled with it. It even has a lining. (hint - click on the picture)

Here's a previous costume:

The stuff of nightmares

2008-08-21T20:15:00.003-05:00

~E~

Since elementary school, I have had countless nightmares involving driving on raised roads that suddenly end, or have no barriers on the side, or the car dies and I have to somehow climb the rest of the way because the roads are steep and scary. These were and are truly nightmares. I wake up shaking and scared.

For ages I couldn't figure out why I was having these dreams. Then I went to Milwaukee.

Mystery solved.

Apparently my class went to Milwaukee for a field trip and these roads freaked me out so much that it has stuck with me. I still hate driving in Milwaukee.

The Dance

2008-08-21T19:46:00.003-05:00

Beware the Woman

2008-08-12T15:33:00.002-05:00

~E~

When I got into the car this afternoon to head home (taking sick day. poor me) the radio was tuned to Air America. The Ed Schultz show was on, and I really don't care for him, but I listened for a bit anyway. He was talking about the J0hn Edw@rds 'scandal'. I should have changed the station.

It's all women's fault, you know? He actually said that forty-something year old women KNOW how to prevent pregnancy, so it sure smells like entrapment to him!! Good lord. Doesn't he think that forty-something year old MEN know how to prevent pregnancy? Is he aware that contraceptives fail? Poor John, that woman took advantage of him.

Male caller number one, after that comment: All Democratic politicians must beware of every woman that flirts with him (women, apparently, are not politicians), because these ebul wimmen could very well be on the Republican payroll and trying to trap the poor men in a political sex scandal.

Male caller number two: The woman he had the affair with is an exparty girl. Ex, because she's forty and over the hill and old ugly women are not party girls. Ugh. So, since her career as a party girl is over, she deliberately planned to trap Edw@rds with this affair and pregnancy so he would support her for the rest of her life with either hush money or child support. Cuz women, especially ugly old exparty girls, don't have REAL jobs. They rely on sex and hapless men to support their extravagant lifestyles.

I finally did change the channel.

OK, it appears we have a long way to go in attitudes towards women in this country. Women do like sex - we don't just use it as a tool to control men. Edw@rds and the woman could have truly been attracted to each other, and most likely were, no ulterior motives whatsoever.

If this woman, or any woman was paid by the Republican party to 'entrap' a Democratic man, the Republican party would be pimps and should not be allowed to run this country. Women are people. We are not vaginas-for-hire.

It is incredibly condescending, and says a LOT about you as a man, if you really believe that any significant population of women goes around getting pregnant on purpose. Think about it. Would you go through nine months of pregnancy, labor, babyhood, toddlerhood, kidhood, teenage angst for 18 years to get what would probably amount to a pittance if the guy even bothered to pay? It also says that you think pregnancy prevention is solely the domain of women. It says that you feel you can blame any contraceptive failure on the woman.

I sit here and wonder why they couldn't discuss HIS errors, why he did what he did, how it might affect the Democratic party. In situations such as this it seems the men are disappeared. It's frustrating.