Withholding vs. not wanting to
~E~
Wow, this can be a touchy subject. Please remember I'm speaking in generalities here, and drawing from my own experience.
What IS the difference between withholding and not wanting to have s*x? I think a lot of the time it depends on which side of the debate you're on, especially if you're not being honest.
First, withholding. I think people DO withhold s*x, which sort of translates into bartering for s*x. For example, you didn't behave the way I wanted you to so I'm not 'letting' you have s*x with me. To me, s*x is not something to be bartered; it is something to be entered into enthusiastically by both parties. Always, every time. Lots and lots of people never come to this realization, especially since almost no one is taught that this should be so. I think the idea of withholding is also related to the idea that if someone takes you out to dinner or buys you flowers, that you are obligated to provide s*x in return - thus, if you refuse you are withholding.
Not wanting to have s*x is just that, you don't want to. People have their reasons. I think a lot of guys mistake 'not wanting to' for withholding. If someone is an absolute jerk to me all day, why would I want to get it on that night? That's not withholding, that's being treated like dirt all day and not wanting to be intimate with the person who did it. Seems like some guys think that once bedtime hits, everything that happened that day is off limits. S*x seems to be separate from from 'real life', you know? Unfortunately that is not realistic and it's not fair in the least.
And, you know, sometimes people just don't want to and it has nothing to do with you.
S*x and desire are entwined with everything else in your life. They can't always be separated. If you want to be intimate with someone, treat them with respect. If you just want someone to masturbate on, then behave however you like and then whine and pout and coerce to get what you want. Better yet, just get a masturbation device and leave the rest of us out of it.
I really wish s*x wasn't such a taboo subject, and that we could talk honestly to our kids about it instead of each generation having to sort it out for themselves.
Ignore the *s, I just wanted to avoid weird googling.
Wow, this can be a touchy subject. Please remember I'm speaking in generalities here, and drawing from my own experience.
What IS the difference between withholding and not wanting to have s*x? I think a lot of the time it depends on which side of the debate you're on, especially if you're not being honest.
First, withholding. I think people DO withhold s*x, which sort of translates into bartering for s*x. For example, you didn't behave the way I wanted you to so I'm not 'letting' you have s*x with me. To me, s*x is not something to be bartered; it is something to be entered into enthusiastically by both parties. Always, every time. Lots and lots of people never come to this realization, especially since almost no one is taught that this should be so. I think the idea of withholding is also related to the idea that if someone takes you out to dinner or buys you flowers, that you are obligated to provide s*x in return - thus, if you refuse you are withholding.
Not wanting to have s*x is just that, you don't want to. People have their reasons. I think a lot of guys mistake 'not wanting to' for withholding. If someone is an absolute jerk to me all day, why would I want to get it on that night? That's not withholding, that's being treated like dirt all day and not wanting to be intimate with the person who did it. Seems like some guys think that once bedtime hits, everything that happened that day is off limits. S*x seems to be separate from from 'real life', you know? Unfortunately that is not realistic and it's not fair in the least.
And, you know, sometimes people just don't want to and it has nothing to do with you.
S*x and desire are entwined with everything else in your life. They can't always be separated. If you want to be intimate with someone, treat them with respect. If you just want someone to masturbate on, then behave however you like and then whine and pout and coerce to get what you want. Better yet, just get a masturbation device and leave the rest of us out of it.
I really wish s*x wasn't such a taboo subject, and that we could talk honestly to our kids about it instead of each generation having to sort it out for themselves.
Ignore the *s, I just wanted to avoid weird googling.
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