sunny blizzard

~E~ As little kids we are so incredibly brainwashed. We are taught that pee and poop are the grossest things on the planet and no one, no one can know that we do these things. So as older kids and as adults, these perfectly normal bodily functions are considered embarrassing at best and shameful at worst. Lots of us cannot pee in a public restroom if another person is in there. Or we can, but we try to do it quietly. Even more of us, according to my unscientific survey, can't and won't poop in a public restroom when someone else is in there. And none of us, barring teenaged boys, is willing to pass gas anywhere! I recently read an article that proclaimed that those who pee/poop/fart in front of their significant others are doing their relationship a great disservice and should immediately cease such crass behavior. NOT doing those things helps preserve the sense of mystery. I think it just causes stomach aches. In conclusion, I certainly believe we should all be potty trained,

~E~ Thank you to all the men and women who served and gave their lives for what they believed in. My sympathies and sorrow to those who died for the arrogance and greed of those who sent them. The Green Fields of France Well, how do you do, Private William McBride, Do you mind if I sit down here by your graveside? And rest for awhile in the warm summer sun, I've been walking all day, and I'm nearly done. And I see by your gravestone you were only 19 When you joined the glorious fallen in 1916, Well, I hope you died quick and I hope you died clean Or, Willie McBride, was it slow and obscene? Did they Beat the drum slowly, did the play the pipes lowly? Did the rifles fir o'er you as they lowered you down? Did the bugles sound The Last Post in chorus? Did the pipes play the Flowers of the Forest? And did you leave a wife or a sweetheart behind In some loyal heart is your memory enshrined? And, though you died back in 1916, To that loyal heart are you forever 19? Or are you a s

~E~ Running Down the Dirt path, ankles Nearly turning in the Ruts but never quite. Occasionally Lifting her arms above her head allowing The breeze to cool the sweat between her Fingers. At last reaching her limit, slowing. Skipping the last few yards made Her feel like a kid And she laughed at Herself. Striding out Of the Urban Wilderness back To supposed civilization And looking forward to Water as her chest heaved Ever more slowly. Snapping the rubber Band out of her hair and running Her fingers through the damp Smooth strands, strolling now. Passing houses quiet In the Heat Of the Afternoon, silent in That odd high summer Doldrums-no one-wants-to- Move sort of way. She skipped Over a few more squares of sidewalk, Loving the feel of muscles in Her legs and smiling again In her joy of Being. Taking a Deep breath, Blowing It out One last time. And feeling damned good. A screen door slams, a Sudden disr

~E~ Spring is here along with sunshine and warm winds. It's eighty degrees outside, at least, and here I sit in my office in long pants and a sweater. One of my biggest pet peeves, I have to admit. Are we as a culture afraid of natural temperatures? Are we driven to uselessly use up our resources to keep ourselves freezing in the summertime? Will we literally wilt if the temperature inside reaches **gasp** 76 degrees?? I walked by an office whose occupant had his window open and I had to stop and soak up the warmth and fresh air. I told him I would totally swap offices with him as mine does not have a window. He said he'd had several people stop in already today to complain that he was letting hot air in. What the hell. It is stupid to have to take a jacket with you when you go shopping in the summertime. To have to plan ahead and wear warmer clothes if you're going to be in a store for any length of time. To wear autumn clothes to the office in high summer. I want to expe

From the son, a snake haiku for your reading pleasure. SSS-S-SS-S-SSSS S-S-SSSS-SS-S-SSS-S S-SSS-SS-S-S

~E~ I was sitting innocently at our team meeting the other morning, hoping it wouldn't be too boring, or that the guys wouldn't go on monotonously about minutiae that has nothing to do with anyone else, when the boss said he had a few awards to give out. Ah, something different! A was given an award for ownership of a project over the long term. S was given an award for diving in and helping out on a big project. And I, your lovely narrator (haha) was given the Res Ipsa Loquitor award, for hard work, extra effort and valuable insight on a short-term project. I rock. It was great to be recognized, and I was not expecting it at all. Yay me!

Tick...Al and I just chillin' on the sofa, minding our own business, chatting, drinking tea. The work day is over and we are happy to be safe and sound at home and enjoying each other's company. Al absent-mindedly brushes at his arm, then does the Oh-my-god-there-is-a-bug-on-me!! dance, then does the OHSHITIT'SATICK!!! flip out. Lucky for him it hadn't taken a bite yet. The unfortunate tick quickly met its demise. Tick...Cruising down the highway-well, ok, down a suburban road-laughing and talking and singing along with the radio. I come up to a stop sign and realize there is a bug crawling up the inside of the windshield. Upon taking a closer look I realize it is the cousin to the tick that met an early end the previous week. I come to a complete stop and make Al snatch it up, execute it and fling it out the window. I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. I've seen maybe 2-3 ticks in my entire life and now I've seen two in one week. Tick...I plop down

Red Haired Mary is my mom. I couldn't have asked for a better one, frankly. I like to call her momster. She was always the most comforting person in my life, even when she was too frazzled to protect me from the torture my sister inflicted on me. I clearly remember her hollering from the other room for us to knock it off!! as though I was equally responsible for being pinned down and tickled. She took me to my first and only Badger football game, and I think she was thrilled that we had a day together filled with such excitement. We snuggled on the couch under blankets together in those cold dark f-f-freezing days of winter. My first clear memory of her -- I'm five years old. She's sitting on a chair where I try to squeeze in next to her. She says, in a strained voice, "No, honey, you can't sit with me right now." Then my dad took her to the hospital where she birthed my little brother. I suppose labor pains are as good an excuse as any to have your chair t

Ever have one of those weeks in which you just aren't yourself? I have massive writer's block. I can't write blog entries, I can't write stories, I can't REPLY to blog entries, I can't even compose an email. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. I feel like everyone is looking at me and laughing. I feel like I'm in high school again. What brings this on? Did I eat too much asparagus this week? Is it a side effect of a medication? Are there fumes coming off the new carpet at work? I wonder if everyone has days/ weeks like this occasionally, because I don't think you can tell just by looking at someone that inside they are wondering if they really belong here. I know this too shall pass but it ain't any fun when you're going through it.

I came up with this brilliant idea while having lunch at work with R. He was trying to convince me he was not quite as big a nerd as those guys who wait in line for 4 days to get tickets to the new Star Trek. So Nerd Scouts works the same way Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts works. One has to earn badges and work his or her way up to the top. I have yet to come up with the hierarchy for this whole thing, mostly because I was never in Boy Scouts and was only in Girl Scouts for a year, with a literally God-crazy scout leader, so I don't quite understand how it all works. I do know that the Nerds shall have sashes and troops and badges. In fact, Al earned his first badge the other day with this comment: " I had the couch optimized for the proper distance from the television ." This badge shall be christened The AV Club. Congratulations, Al. Check back for further info. Feel free to suggest badges and the projects required to earn one.

While coaxing her out of her den And disturbing her state of zen Her mouth opened wide Sucked my fingers inside I never touched the lizard again Now I can’t tie my scarf or my shoes Can’t zip up my fave Levi’s Blues No fingers to garnish Nor nails for red varnish Damned lizard is no longer my muse

At the farmer's market: Dad: you want to be upside down first, then cheese curds? or cheese curds and then upside down? Kid: NO, upside down AND cheese curds! At work: Kid: ACK! ACK! (like the aliens in "Mars Attacks") ACK! My doll is hitting your booty! Me: walks around corner to see four-year-old poking mom in the butt with her doll's hand. At home: My 3-year-old son, being tucked in: "Mom, Winnie the Pooh broke his anus." Me: Spends 2 hours trying to figure that one out before finally recalling that we had watched a Pooh video in which Pooh ripped the seam in his butt doing toe touches.