Building bridges, only to watch them come crashing down into a twisted pile of steel and concrete
~E~
People who know the whole story would say I have every right to hate my ex. I don't. Why bother? It's a waste of my energy and I'd rather concentrate on the positive. Apparently he does not (surprise!) share the same outlook.
He called last week to discuss something relating to the kids and when he was done, I asked him if we could talk about something else. I told him that I didn't hate him, I tell the kids funny things about him. I told him that we had some good times; I asked if we could just put the past behind us and be civil to each other for the kids' sake. They feel and hate the anger that glows from him.
He has a spinal cord injury that causes him pain. I told him that when I stop over to pick up the kids, I never know if he's disgusted by the sight of me or if he's just in pain. It's hard to tell. He immediately started ranting at me that I will never know what he's going through, as though I hadn't lived right there with him during his recovery and for a few years after that. As though it was somehow my fault. I tried to assuage him by saying that, while I couldn't know exactly what he was going through, I could certainly empathize and I'm fully aware of it.
Since I had mentioned the word 'anger', he decided to go down the list of things that had pissed him off lately- things I had done, of course - and explain to me why exactly I had caused his anger. I again explained that I was trying to build bridges for the kid's sake, and could we just focus on that and move forward?
How dare I.
He raised his voice and told me that I had done SO MANY things to him!!! dramaaccuse
moredramawallowinselfpityadinfinitum
I replied that he had done a lot to me too, and could we just move past that for the kids sake?
He almost shrieked - What? WHAT did I do to you? Name ONE thing!!
Good Maude.
I informed him that I wasn't going to go there. Lets move on, I said. He kept trying to insist that I had made his life miserable (by my mere existence in his life, I guess, which is a far cry from what he was saying when I was taking care of his paralyzed ass for four years) and had to list my sins.
I replied, "I think not."
That was the end of that conversation. I think now that I have come to accept that he is mentally ill and will never return to the real world. I do not say that lightly. The man has issues and refuses to deal with them. And my children suffer.
The courts refuse to see emotional and verbal abuse as enough to warrant less or no custody. No bruises or broken bones, no case.
My heart bleeds for my children almost every day.
People who know the whole story would say I have every right to hate my ex. I don't. Why bother? It's a waste of my energy and I'd rather concentrate on the positive. Apparently he does not (surprise!) share the same outlook.
He called last week to discuss something relating to the kids and when he was done, I asked him if we could talk about something else. I told him that I didn't hate him, I tell the kids funny things about him. I told him that we had some good times; I asked if we could just put the past behind us and be civil to each other for the kids' sake. They feel and hate the anger that glows from him.
He has a spinal cord injury that causes him pain. I told him that when I stop over to pick up the kids, I never know if he's disgusted by the sight of me or if he's just in pain. It's hard to tell. He immediately started ranting at me that I will never know what he's going through, as though I hadn't lived right there with him during his recovery and for a few years after that. As though it was somehow my fault. I tried to assuage him by saying that, while I couldn't know exactly what he was going through, I could certainly empathize and I'm fully aware of it.
Since I had mentioned the word 'anger', he decided to go down the list of things that had pissed him off lately- things I had done, of course - and explain to me why exactly I had caused his anger. I again explained that I was trying to build bridges for the kid's sake, and could we just focus on that and move forward?
How dare I.
He raised his voice and told me that I had done SO MANY things to him!!! dramaaccuse
moredramawallowinselfpityadinfinitum
I replied that he had done a lot to me too, and could we just move past that for the kids sake?
He almost shrieked - What? WHAT did I do to you? Name ONE thing!!
Good Maude.
I informed him that I wasn't going to go there. Lets move on, I said. He kept trying to insist that I had made his life miserable (by my mere existence in his life, I guess, which is a far cry from what he was saying when I was taking care of his paralyzed ass for four years) and had to list my sins.
I replied, "I think not."
That was the end of that conversation. I think now that I have come to accept that he is mentally ill and will never return to the real world. I do not say that lightly. The man has issues and refuses to deal with them. And my children suffer.
The courts refuse to see emotional and verbal abuse as enough to warrant less or no custody. No bruises or broken bones, no case.
My heart bleeds for my children almost every day.
Comments
It's a shame they have to deal with that, but thankfully you are in their lives. In my book, that's a big positive.